Tuesday, 9 August 2022

Zenith: Phase Two

Wyrd Britain reviews 'Zenith: Phase Two' by Grant Morrison and Steve Yeowell and published by Rebellion.
Grant Morrison - writer
Steve Yeowell - artist
Rebellion

It’s 1988 and Zenith is as popular as ever thanks to his victorious battle against Masterman. The threat from the Lloigor has been quashed and now Zenith must face an all-too human threat – Dr. Michael Peyne – the creator of Britain’s post WWII superheroes and ‘father’ to Zenith’s parents, has teamed up with the megalomaniac billionaire Scott Wallace who is intent on taking over the world. Together with C.I.A. agent Phaedra Cale, Zenith must stop Wallace from destroying London whilst also confronting his past and a less-than-happy reunion with his father!

Zenith's second act opens with the pop star superhero riding the success that his part in the defeat of the Nazi Masterman brought him.  It's short lived however when he gets attacked in his own flat by a giant robot type thingy and whisked off to Scotland by an exotically named CIA agent to stop a rogue superhero programme funded by a Richard Branson style billionaire.  

Meanwhile we get a much more detailed look at the bigger picture as former heroes return and new ones appear from across the multiverse as we start to see the extent of the bigger threat that will soon face our arrogant and barely competent hero whilst he himself is shown winning the day thanks to his own unrepentantly shallow world view.

It's beautifully paced and treads some similar ground to the "Project Zarathustra" storyline in Alan Moore's 'Miracleman' although with a decidedly more 'pop culture' bent as we discover some of the truths behind the genesis of the superheroes from the mouth of the comic's very own Dr Frankenstein-esque 'mad' scientist creating new life as Morrison adds depth and mythos to an already genuinely intriguing plot and cast.  With the exception of the, fairly pointless origin story coda, the book ends particularly strongly going fully - and I do mean fully - cosmic as we meet and discover the fate of 'Chimera' a character mentioned in passing earlier in the book in a sequence that allows Yeowell's pristine art to truly shine..  

Phase Two, whilst having a fun but fairly inconsequential menace confronting Zenith,  provides a step back from the main event slowly coming to the boil in the worlds of the supporting cast and a welcome chance to learn the back story of how our superbrat came to be.  Storytelling wise it's real step up from an already strong but breathless start that gives a solid foundation for what's to come and it's going to be a trip seeing where it goes next.

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Monday, 8 August 2022

Zenith: Phase One

Wyrd Britain reviews 'Zenith: Phase One' by Grant Morrison and Steve Yeowell and published by Rebellion.
Grant Morrison - writer
Steve Yeowell - artist
Rebellion

Berlin, 1945: The allies unleashed the second world war hero Maximan upon the German supersoldier Masterman. Maximan’s defeat was only kept secret by the nuclear bomb which destroyed both men. Forty-plus years later, and twenty years after a generation of ’60s British superpowered heroes came and went, the teenage pop star Zenith is the only superhuman left – and his only interest in women, drugs, alchohol and fame.
So when he is contacted about the threat from the many-angled ones and the impending destruction of our world, his first reaction is to steer well clear.But the superhumans of the past have other plans.

Back in 87/88 when Zenith was first published I was an intermittent reader of 2000AD.  I was working in a comic shop and occasionally flipping through the one copy that was ordered through us so I was aware of Zenith but having read this first of four stunning, large format, hardback reprints I think I only ever read the very first episode, at least from this first story arc.

Wyrd Britain reviews 'Zenith: Phase One' by Grant Morrison and Steve Yeowell and published by Rebellion.
Zenith is a pop star superhero. The only active superhero in the world following the deaths of the original WWII era superpowered pair and the disappearence and retirement of those active in the 1960s.  He's a party brat, selfish and hedonistic only drawn into any actual heroics by the return of the original Nazi Ubermensch powered by the 'Many-Angled Ones', dark gods from another dimension.

What we see at this early point in the story is Morrison playing around with the same sort of ideas of reinventing superheroes as many of his peers were at the time but, as would continue to be the case throughout his career, doing so with a lot more affection for the genre than was perhaps more often the case at the time with those others.

Partnered with Morrison here is the brilliant Steve Yeowell which means that along with the transdimensional storyline the book has a very strong feel of kinship to the pairs brilliant 'The Invisibles'.  Yeowell is a beautifully delicate artist with the ability to give his characters depth and weight and a sense of realness even in the most ludicrous of situations and, as you can see in the image above above a fantastic flair for the dynamic and the dramatic.

So, this first book, despite being all wrapped up a tad too quickly and neatly it all made for a very satisfying read and I head onwards to book two with high expectations.

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Sunday, 7 August 2022

The British Surrealists

Wyrd Britain reviews 'The British Surrealists' by Desmond Morris from Thames & Hudson.
Desmond Morris
Thames & Hudson

Honored for their idiosyncratic and imaginative works, the surrealists marked a pivotal moment in the history of modern art in Britain— pioneering the Surrealist movement between World War I and II. Many artists banded together to form the British Surrealist Group, while others carved their own, independent paths.

Hands up who knew Morris was a surrealist artist before he became a zoologist? Not me but apparently so and here he provides an overview of many of the artists he knew at the height of the movement with a beautifully presented series of pen portraits of thirty four British Surrealist artists and featuring 107 illustrations, most of them in colour. 

Featuring artists such as Francis Bacon, Leonora Carrington, Ithell Colquhoun, Tristram Hillier, Paul Nash. Roland Penrose and Ceri Richards if you're already fairly knowledgeable on the artists included then this book perhaps isn't for you as the portraits provide a pretty brief - and occasionally bitchy - overview of the lives of the artists with little to no critique of their work. But if like me many of these folks are new to you then this makes for an attractive primer giving a couple of examples of each artists work with just enough background info to tantalise. 

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Saturday, 6 August 2022

Fifty Forgotten Books

Wyrd Britain reviews R.B. Russell's 'Fifty Forgotten Books' published by And Other Stories.
R.B. Russell
And Other Stories

Fifty Forgotten Books is a very special sort of book about books, by a great bibliophile and for book-lovers of all ages and levels of experience. Not quite literary criticism, not quite an autobiography, it is at once a guided tour through the dusty backrooms of long vanished used bookstores, a love letter to bookshops and bookselling, and a browser’s dream wish list of often overlooked and unloved novels, short story collections, poetry collections and works of nonfiction.

There is a small but much loved and growing section of my collection that can be described as books about books including Nicholas Royle's love letter to Picador and Penguin Books 'White Spines', Mark Valentine's championing of forgotten and underappreciated authors in, amongst others, 'A Country Still All Mystery' and Mike Ashley's celebration of British science fiction 'Yesterday's Tomorrows' to name just a few and now joining them is Ray Russell's 'Fifty Forgotten Books'.

Wyrd Britain reviews R.B. Russell's 'Fifty Forgotten Books' published by And Other Stories.
This new book from Tartarus Press publisher Ray finds him discussing the fifty books (and referencing many more) both old and new that, along with the shops and the people he discovered them through, have impacted on his life.  Featuring authors such as Arthur Machen, H.P. Lovecraft, M.P. Shiel, Aleister Crowley, Sylvia Townsend Warner, Walter de la Mare, David Lindsay, Robert Aickman, Rosalie Parker, Mark Valentine, Avalon Brantley, and many, many more it's an enthralling, and very gracious, wander through a love affair with literature that has, in many ways, defined his life.

Presented as a nifty dust-jacketed paperback 'Fifty Forgotten Books' tells a literary autobiography as Ray relates a life spent amongst books and of the various folks he has encountered on his quest for the next perfectly formed sentence.  It is a sublime read that's heartily recommended to everyone with a love of books and in particular of those beautiful obscurities that seemingly only exist on the lowest shelves, in the dustiest corners of the most charismatic of second-hand bookshops.

Published on 13th September 2022.

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Thursday, 4 August 2022

The Hobbit (Jackanory)

Between the 1st and the 12th of October 1979 Jackanory -  a long running Children's BBC series where actors and authors would read a story directly to camera - the BBC undertook a 10 episode telling of J.R.R. Tolkien's 'The Hobbit'.

To do this director Roger Singleton-Turner turned to his most reliable reader, the man who had very much become the face of the show as well as being the voice of 'The Wombles', Bernard Cribbins here ably supported by the brilliant Maurice Denham, Jan Francis and David Wood.

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Friday, 29 July 2022

Dear John

Jasper L'Estrange reads 'Dear John' by Rosalie Parker.
Here we have a reading of a story by Rosalie Parker (co-publisher of Tartarus Press) of one of the stories from her terrific 2021 collection 'Through the Storm'.

From the video info...
"As executor of his old schoolfriend's estate, Justin is intrigued when he finds a series of letters among the dead man's belongings. Reading them, he uncovers a secret episode from his late friend's past."

The story here is read by Jasper L'Estrange for his EnCrypted Classic Horror channel where you'll find a host of stories both new and old by a cornucopia of Wyrd Britain faves such as M.R. James, Robert Hichens, A.E Coppard, A.M. Burrage, John Howard, Lord Dunsany, May Sinclair and more.


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If you enjoy what we do here on Wyrd Britain and would like to help us continue then we would very much welcome a donation towards keeping the blog going - paypal.me/wyrdbritain

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Sunday, 12 June 2022

Martin's Close

Wyrd Britain reviews Mark Gatiss' adaptation of M.R. James' 'Martins Close' starring Peter Capaldi.
Squire John Martin (Wilf Scolding) is brought before 'the hanging judge' George Jeffreys (Elliot Levey) for the murder of Anne Clark (Jessica Temple)  who, in the words of the prosecutor Dolben (Peter Capaldi) “was one to whom Providence had not given the full use of her intellects.”, and who has, since her murder, been heard and seen around the village.

Wyrd Britain reviews Mark Gatiss' adaptation of M.R. James' 'Martins Close' starring Peter Capaldi.
Originally published in 1911 in 'More Ghost Stories' this is perhaps one of M.R. James' lesser stories but one eminently suitable for a low-key adaptation. Screenwriter / director Mark Gatiss does just this with a minimal but well chosen cast although, as welcome a presence as Simon Williams is, Gatiss' decision to retain the presence of the narrator is an odd one that splits the telling over different eras pulling us jarringly from the story.  It is short on chills but with an excellent cast and a lively script that keeps the line between haunting, madness and revenge nicely blurred it's an entertaining enough watch

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If you enjoy what we do here on Wyrd Britain and would like to help us continue then we would very much welcome a donation towards keeping the blog going - paypal.me/wyrdbritain


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Wednesday, 1 June 2022

Dead Relatives

Wyrd Britain reviews 'Dead Relatives' by Lucie McKnight Hardy published by Dead Ink.
Lucie McKnight Hardy
Dead Ink

Iris has never left the big house in the country she shares with Mammy and the servants. When The Ladies arrive, she finds that she must appease her dead relatives. Other stories in this collection explore themes of motherhood and the fragile body, family dynamics and small town tensions, unusual traditions and metamorphosis.
Dead Relatives
is the highly anticipated, no-holds-barred short story collection from Lucie McKnight Hardy, and readers can expect more of the suspense and trepidation evident in her debut novel, Water Shall Refuse Them.
Not for the faint-hearted, Dead Relatives invites you behind closed doors, and will leave you wondering if it’s better that they’re kept shut and firmly locked.


A couple of years ago I helped out at the home town launch of Lucie McKnight Hardy's first book ' Water Shall Refuse Them' where I picked up a copy but embarrassingly have yet to dig into it. It looks really interesting and I've heard good things from friends who've read it but, and I'm sure you all have books on your shelves like this, I just haven't got to it yet.  This collection however barged it's way to the top of the pile and it made for an absorbing read filled with deliciously macabre stories.

The opening title piece tells a novella length story set in a secluded house where young women go to hide away until their unwanted babies are born and they can return to their lives without any inconvenient bumps or babies for that matter.  It's general vibe and over-riding oddness sets the tone  for the book which is beautifully reinforced by the following story, 'Jutland'.

I tuned out somewhat over the next few stories, 'Badgerface' was a bit obvious, 'Pickling Jar' felt like it owed too much of it's character to Shirley Jackson's 'The Lottery' and 'Cavities' was just a non-event for me but 'Resting Bitch Face' however is much more satisfying with it's escalating domestic disharmony and eventual revenge as is it's immediate successor 'The Puckering' which takes a folktale-ish twist to a folk horror tale that feels like a Hans Christian Andersen fever dream.

Again, the book runs into a bit of a mire with a series of stories, 'Parroting', 'Cortona' and 'Chooks Don't Have Teeth' which didn't grab me but they're followed by a traditional horror tale 'The Devil of Timanfaya' which triggers a strong end to the book with the dystopian sci fi of 'Wretched' and the sibling rivalry of 'The Birds of Nagasaki'.

In all it made for an engrossing read that for me at least was bolstered by the longer stories which bodes well for me finally reading that debut novel that's waving at me from the shelf.

Buy it here - UK / US.

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Sunday, 29 May 2022

In a Dark, Dark Box

Wyrd Britain reviews 'In a Dark, Dark Box' from Dramarama Spooky.
Once upon a time in a dark, dark wood there was a dark, dark house; 
In the dark, dark house there was a dark, dark hall;
In the dark, dark hall there were dark dark stairs;
Up the dark, dark stairs there was a dark dark passage;
 
For folks like me who were just that little bit too young to catch some of the cornerstones of Wyrd Britain TV when they were first televised - I was born the day after episode six of  'The Owl Service' was aired and I was 5 when 'The Changes' was shown - the first 'Spooky' season of the ITV series Dramarama shown in 1982 holds a bit of a place in our hearts.
 
In the dark, dark passage there was a dark dark door;
In the dark dark door there was a dark dark room; 
In the dark dark room there was a dark dark corner;
In the dark, dark corner there was a dark, dark cupboard; 
 
Wyrd Britain reviews 'In a Dark, Dark Box' from Dramarama Spooky.
This, the fifth episode of that series, puts a young boy (Andrew Downer) visiting his granny (Sheila Burrell) in bed in the room his drowned father grew up in where she begins to recite him a poem.  As the poem progresses he starts to wonder if it's describing the room he's in and whether there is actually a trunk in that dark cupboard in that dark, dark corner.
 
In the dark, dark cupboard there was a dark, dark trunk; 
In the dark, dark trunk there was a dark, dark box; 
 
Directed by Vic Hughes, who had a pedigree for scaring kids with episodes of 'Ace of Wands', 'Shadows' and 'The Tomorrow People' under his belt and with 'Chocky' still to come, who makes good use of a script by Jane Hollowood which has a nicely old fashioned creepy, ghost story at it's heart which it ultimately bottles out of .
 
Wyrd Britain reviews 'In a Dark, Dark Box' from Dramarama Spooky.
In the dark dark box there was another dark dark box;
And in the last dark dark box there was a poem 
And the poem said;
 
Hughes makes great use of his limited resources and works hard to build suspence through some excellent use of shadows, some lovely, disquieting, haunted music and echoey disembodied voices that taunt and cajole the young boy but he can only do so much and in the end this is a bit of a missed opportunity but still one that rewards a watch.
 
Once upon a time in a dark, dark wood...


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Sunday, 22 May 2022

Cry of the Banshee

Wyrd Britain reviews 'Cry of the Banshee' starring Vincent Price.
1970's 'Cry of the Banshee' was director Gordon Hessler's third film for American International Pictures (AIP) starring Vincent Price following 'The Oblong Box' and 'Scream and Scream Again' and is by far the less successful of the three - but still infinitely better than the Kiss movie he was to make in 1978.  

Price is cast as Lord Edward Whitman a ludicrously evil presence at the centre of the film taking delight in hunting and torturing the nubile young ladies he and his sons, literally, brand as witches.  Leading the witches is Elisabeth Bergner as Oona who in revenge for the death of her 'children' asks Satan for help which arrives in the form of Patrick Mower as Lord Whitman's groom, Roderick, a former foundling and the proud wearer of an ostentatious necklace.

Alongside them are Essy Persson as his wife Patricia who proves to be even more of a scenery chewer than Price which is quite something to behold as well as the likes of Sally Geeson, Michael Elphick and the great Hugh Griffith who's always worth watching.

This film is magnificently terrible, it's script is barely coherent, the acting is terrible and the film is entirely daft and it makes for a fairly punishing watch unless, of course, you, like me, have a bit of a penchant for the magnificently terrible in which case you'll have a great time and it does have a fabulous animated title sequence by Terry Gilliam.


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If you enjoy what we do here on Wyrd Britain and would like to help us continue then we would very much welcome a donation towards keeping the blog going - paypal.me/wyrdbritain


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Thursday, 19 May 2022

Infra Noir 2020

Wyrd Britain reviews 'Infra Noir 2020' from Zagava Books featuring Mark Valentine, R.B. Russell, Rosalie Parker, Reggie Oliver and others.
Various authors
Zagava

Since some friends of Zagava missed single titles of our chapbook series, Zagava now offers all 11 Infra-Noir chapbooks published in 2020 as an inexpensive paperback! If you want all of the brilliant stories in one affordable place, this is the book for you.
D.P. Watt: Craft; Mark Valentine The Clerks of the Invisible; Jonathan Wood: The Idyll Is Over; Karim Ghahwagi: Codex of Light; Mark Samuels: Posterity; Rebecca Lloyd: Ancestor Water; Mark Valentine: Stained Medium; Timothy J. Jarvis: The Purblind Bards; Reggie Oliver: The Wet Woman; R.B. Russell: A House of Treasures; Rosalie Parker: Home Comforts
 

Through 2020 Zagava released a series of small chapbooks by a coterie of authors associated with the publisher and enjoyed by us here at Wyrd Britain including Mark Valentine, Rosalie Parker, R.B. Russell and more.  These stories have now been collected together in this delightful volume.

D.P Watt has the honour of opening the proceedings with an entrancing tale of a beautifully made book whereas for Mark Valentine - in the first of two contributions - it's the mystery of a rare book and the joy of the hunt whilst Jonathan Wood explores the inner life of the book and the characters that the writer hopes to populate it with.

Karim Ghahwagi's 'Codex of Light' takes a different tack with a fantastical fable of fire and the restrictions of tradition.  Mark Samuels' 'Posterity' tells a wonderfully creepy talke of scholarlty hubris and a dead author (a thinly veiled Robert Aickman).  Rebecca Lloyd's 'Ancestor Water' like Ghahwagi's earlier story deals with the pull of heritage although it's contemporary setting free of gothic trappings gives it a more urgent and less folky aspect.

Happily we are given another Mark Valentine story (regular readers will be well aware of our love of Mark's writing) this time dealing with forgotten philosophies chance meetings and lost literary treasure whilst Timothy J. Jarvis spins a fascinating post apocalyptic tale in 'The Purblind Bards'.

Reggie Oliver is one of several authors on my ever growing 'must read more' list as what I have read has been a treat.  Here his story 'The Wet Woman' continues a trend I've noticed in his writing for a sort of dark whimsy which here takes the form of a group of thesps and musos engaging in petty revenge that unleashes more profound events.

The book ends with two stories from Tartarus Press publishers R.B. Russell and Rosalie Parker.  Ray's story 'A House of Treasures' is a beautifully poised tale of a search realised whilst Rosalie tells of desire and perhaps lust for a cuddly but avaricious toy waiter named Nigel.  It's very wrong and very funny.

Unfortunately this collection, as with all the Zagava paperbacks, was only available for a very short while due to to issues with print quality but if you can track a copy down it'll definitely reward the hunt.

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If you enjoy what we do here on Wyrd Britain and would like to help us continue then we would very much welcome a donation towards keeping the blog going - paypal.me/wyrdbritain

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Wednesday, 11 May 2022

Providence Compendium

Wyrd Britain reviews 'Providence Compendium' by Alan Moore and Jacen Burrows from Avatar Press.
Alan Moore (words)
Jacen Burrows (art)
Avatar Press

Providence is Alan Moore's quintessential horror series! In it, he weaves and reinvents the works of H.P. Lovecraft through historical events. It is both a sequel and prequel to Neonomicon. The Providence Compendium is the complete series, all twelve issues by Alan Moore and Jacen Burrows, in one 480 page volume.

It's no secret that Alan Moore has a deep and abiding love for H.P. Lovecraft and this lovely big collection from Avatar Press is Moore's 12 issue love letter to the various worlds and wonders Lovecraft brought into being.

'Providence' sends closetted journalist and budding novelist 'Robert Black' across the east coast of the US on the eve of prohibition into an America very different to the one he knows and into the world of the 'Stella Sapiente' a magic cult devoted to the writings of an Arab mystic found in the 'Kitab Al-Hikmah Al-Najmiyya' ('Book of the Wisdom of the Stars').

Black's misadventures on his road to finding the group, to reading the book and then on to his final ordained destination take us on a tour of many of the people and places that Lovecraft wrote about and even a fairly ambivalent Lovecraft reader like me can play spot the reference.

Alongside The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen this is perhaps Moore's last great comic creation as he's now retired from the form and paired with Jacen Burrows' beautiful clean and clear artwork it makes for a very fitting epitaph for a most singular career.

Buy it here - UK / US.

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Tuesday, 3 May 2022

Goblin Market

Morning and evening
Maids heard the goblins cry:
"Come buy our orchard fruits,
Come buy, come buy:
Apples and quinces,
Lemons and oranges,
Plump unpecked cherries,
Melons and raspberries,
Bloom-down-cheeked peaches,
Swart-headed mulberries,
Wild free-born cranberries,
Crab-apples, dewberries,
Pine-apples, blackberries,
Apricots, strawberries; -
All ripe together
In summer weather, -
Morns that pass by,
Fair eves that fly;
Come buy, come buy:
Our grapes fresh from the vine,
Pomegranates full and fine,
Dates and sharp bullaces,
Rare pears and greengages,
Damsons and bilberries,
Taste them and try:
Currants and gooseberries,
Bright-fire-like barberries,
Figs to fill your mouth,
Citrons from the South,
Sweet to tongue and sound to eye;
Come buy, come buy."

Evening by evening
Among the brookside rushes,
Laura bowed her head to hear,
Lizzie veiled her blushes:
Crouching close together
In the cooling weather,
With clasping arms and cautioning lips,
With tingling cheeks and finger-tips.
"Lie close," Laura said,
Pricking up her golden head:
"We must not look at goblin men,
We must not buy their fruits:
Who knows upon what soil they fed
Their hungry thirsty roots?"
"Come buy," call the goblins
Hobbling down the glen.
"Oh," cried Lizzie, "Laura, Laura,
You should not peep at goblin men."
Lizzie covered up her eyes,
Covered close lest they should look;
Laura reared her glossy head,
And whispered like the restless brook:
"Look, Lizzie, look, Lizzie,
Down the glen tramp little men.
One hauls a basket,
One bears a plate,
One lugs a golden dish
Of many pounds' weight.
How fair the vine must grow
Whose grapes are so luscious;
How warm the wind must blow
Through those fruit bushes."
"No," said Lizzie: "No, no, no;
Their offers should not charm us,
Their evil gifts would harm us.'
She thrust a dimpled finger
In each ear, shut eyes and ran:
Curious Laura chose to linger
Wondering at each merchant man.
One had a cat's face,
One whisked a tail,
One tramped at a rat's pace,
One crawled like a snail,
One like a wombat prowled obtuse and furry,
One like a ratel tumbled hurry scurry.
She heard a voice like voice of doves
Cooing all together:
They sounded kind and full of loves
In the pleasant weather.

Laura stretched her gleaming neck
Like a rush-imbedded swan,
Like a lily from the beck,
Like a moonlit poplar branch,
Like a vessel at the launch
When its last restraint is gone.

Backwards up the mossy glen
Turned and trooped the goblin men,
With their shrill repeated cry,
'Come buy, come buy.'
When they reached where Laura was
They stood stock still upon the moss,
Leering at each other,
Brother with queer brother;
Signalling each other,
Brother with sly brother.
One set his basket down,
One reared his plate;
One began to weave a crown
Of tendrils, leaves, and rough nuts brown
(Men sell not such in any town);
One heaved the golden weight
Of dish and fruit to offer her:
"Come buy, come buy," was still their cry.
Laura stared but did not stir,
Longed but had no money.
The whisk-tailed merchant bade her taste
In tones as smooth as honey,
The cat-faced purr'd,
The rat-paced spoke a word
Of welcome, and the snail-paced even was heard;
One parrot-voiced and jolly
Cried "Pretty Goblin" still for "Pretty Polly";
One whistled like a bird.

But sweet-tooth Laura spoke in haste:
"Good folk, I have no coin;
To take were to purloin:
I have no copper in my purse,
I have no silver either,
And all my gold is on the furze
That shakes in windy weather
Above the rusty heather."
"You have much gold upon your head,"
They answered all together:
"Buy from us with a golden curl."
She clipped a precious golden lock,
She dropped a tear more rare than pearl,
Then sucked their fruit globes fair or red.
Sweeter than honey from the rock,
Stronger than man-rejoicing wine,
Clearer than water flowed that juice;
She never tasted such before,
How should it cloy with length of use?
She sucked and sucked and sucked the more
Fruits which that unknown orchard bore;
She sucked until her lips were sore;
Then flung the emptied rinds away
But gathered up one kernel stone,
And knew not was it night or day
As she turned home alone.

Lizzie met her at the gate
Full of wise upbraidings:
'Dear, you should not stay so late,
Twilight is not good for maidens;
Should not loiter in the glen
In the haunts of goblin men.
Do you not remember Jeanie,
How she met them in the moonlight,
Took their gifts both choice and many,
Ate their fruits and wore their flowers
Plucked from bowers
Where summer ripens at all hours?
But ever in the moonlight
She pined and pined away;
Sought them by night and day,
Found them no more, but dwindled and grew gray;
Then fell with the first snow,
While to this day no grass will grow
Where she lies low:
I planted daisies there a year ago
That never blow.
You should not loiter so."
"Nay, hush," said Laura:
"Nay, hush, my sister:
I ate and ate my fill,
Yet my mouth waters still:
Tomorrow night I will
Buy more;' and kissed her:
"Have done with sorrow;
I'll bring you plums tomorrow
Fresh on their mother twigs,
Cherries worth getting;
You cannot think what figs
My teeth have met in,
What melons icy-cold
Piled on a dish of gold
Too huge for me to hold,
What peaches with a velvet nap,
Pellucid grapes without one seed:
Odorous indeed must be the mead
Whereon they grow, and pure the wave they drink
With lilies at the brink,
And sugar-sweet their sap."

Golden head by golden head,
Like two pigeons in one nest
Folded in each other's wings,
They lay down in their curtained bed:
Like two blossoms on one stem,
Like two flakes of new-fall'n snow,
Like two wands of ivory
Tipped with gold for awful kings.
Moon and stars gazed in at them,
Wind sang to them lullaby,
Lumbering owls forebore to fly,
Not a bat flapped to and fro
Round their rest:
Cheek to cheek and breast to breast
Locked together in one rest.

Early in the morning
When the first cock crowed his warning,
Neat like bees, as sweet and busy,
Laura rose with Lizzie:
Fetched in honey, milked the cows,
Aired and set to rights the house,
Kneaded cakes of whitest wheat,
Cakes for dainty mouths to eat,
Next churned butter, whipped up cream,
Fed their poultry, sat and sewed;
Talked as modest maidens should:
Lizzie with an open heart,
Laura in an absent dream,
One content, one sick in part;
One warbling for the mere bright day's delight,
One longing for the night.

At length slow evening came:
They went with pitchers to the reedy brook;
Lizzie most placid in her look,
Laura most like a leaping flame.
They drew the gurgling water from its deep.
Lizzie plucked purple and rich golden flags,
Then turning homeward said: "The sunset flushes
Those furthest loftiest crags;
Come, Laura, not another maiden lags.
No wilful squirrel wags,
The beasts and birds are fast asleep.'
But Laura loitered still among the rushes,
And said the bank was steep.

And said the hour was early still,
The dew not fall'n, the wind not chill;
Listening ever, but not catching
The customary cry,
"Come buy, come buy,"
With its iterated jingle
Of sugar-baited words:
Not for all her watching
Once discerning even one goblin
Racing, whisking, tumbling, hobbling -
Let alone the herds
That used to tramp along the glen,
In groups or single,
Of brisk fruit-merchant men.

Till Lizzie urged, "O Laura, come;
I hear the fruit-call, but I dare not look:
You should not loiter longer at this brook:
Come with me home.
The stars rise, the moon bends her arc,
Each glow-worm winks her spark,
Let us get home before the night grows dark:
For clouds may gather
Though this is summer weather,
Put out the lights and drench us through;
Then if we lost our way what should we do?"

Laura turned cold as stone
To find her sister heard that cry alone,
That goblin cry,
"Come buy our fruits, come buy."
Must she then buy no more such dainty fruit?
Must she no more such succous pasture find,
Gone deaf and blind?
Her tree of life drooped from the root:
She said not one word in her heart's sore ache:
But peering thro' the dimness, nought discerning,
Trudged home, her pitcher dripping all the way;
So crept to bed, and lay
Silent till Lizzie slept;
Then sat up in a passionate yearning,
And gnashed her teeth for baulked desire, and wept
As if her heart would break.

Day after day, night after night,
Laura kept watch in vain
In sullen silence of exceeding pain.
She never caught again the goblin cry,
"Come buy, come buy"; -
She never spied the goblin men
Hawking their fruits along the glen:
But when the noon waxed bright
Her hair grew thin and gray;
She dwindled, as the fair full moon doth turn
To swift decay and burn
Her fire away.

One day remembering her kernel-stone
She set it by a wall that faced the south;
Dewed it with tears, hoped for a root,
Watched for a waxing shoot,
But there came none.
It never saw the sun,
It never felt the trickling moisture run:
While with sunk eyes and faded mouth
She dreamed of melons, as a traveller sees
False waves in desert drouth
With shade of leaf-crowned trees,
And burns the thirstier in the sandful breeze.

She no more swept the house,
Tended the fowls or cows,
Fetched honey, kneaded cakes of wheat,
Brought water from the brook:
But sat down listless in the chimney-nook
And would not eat.

Tender Lizzie could not bear
To watch her sister's cankerous care,
Yet not to share.
She night and morning
Caught the goblins' cry:
"Come buy our orchard fruits,
Come buy, come buy:" -
Beside the brook, along the glen,
She heard the tramp of goblin men,
The voice and stir
Poor Laura could not hear;
Longed to buy fruit to comfort her,
But feared to pay too dear.
She thought of Jeanie in her grave,
Who should have been a bride;
But who for joys brides hope to have
Fell sick and died
In her gay prime,
In earliest winter time,
With the first glazing rime,
With the first snow-fall of crisp winter time.

Till Laura dwindling
Seemed knocking at Death's door.
Then Lizzie weighed no more
Better and worse;
But put a silver penny in her purse,
Kissed Laura, crossed the heath with clumps of furze
At twilight, halted by the brook:
And for the first time in her life
Began to listen and look.

Laughed every goblin
When they spied her peeping:
Came towards her hobbling,
Flying, running, leaping,
Puffing and blowing,
Chuckling, clapping, crowing,
Clucking and gobbling,
Mopping and mowing,
Full of airs and graces,
Pulling wry faces,
Demure grimaces,
Cat-like and rat-like,
Ratel- and wombat-like,
Snail-paced in a hurry,
Parrot-voiced and whistler,
Helter-skelter, hurry skurry,
Chattering like magpies,
Fluttering like pigeons,
Gliding like fishes, -
Hugged her and kissed her:
Squeezed and caressed her:
Stretched up their dishes,
Panniers, and plates:
"Look at our apples
Russet and dun,
Bob at our cherries,
Bite at our peaches,
Citrons and dates,
Grapes for the asking,
Pears red with basking
Out in the sun,
Plums on their twigs;
Pluck them and suck them,
Pomegranates, figs." -

"Good folk," said Lizzie,
Mindful of Jeanie:
"Give me much and many:" -
Held out her apron,
Tossed them her penny.
"Nay, take a seat with us,
Honour and eat with us,"
They answered grinning:
"Our feast is but beginning.
Night yet is early,
Warm and dew-pearly,
Wakeful and starry:
Such fruits as these
No man can carry;
Half their bloom would fly,
Half their dew would dry,
Half their flavour would pass by.
Sit down and feast with us,
Be welcome guest with us,
Cheer you and rest with us." -
"Thank you," said Lizzie: "But one waits
At home alone for me:
So without further parleying,
If you will not sell me any
Of your fruits though much and many,
Give me back my silver penny
I tossed you for a fee." -
They began to scratch their pates,
No longer wagging, purring,
But visibly demurring,
Grunting and snarling.
One called her proud,
Cross-grained, uncivil;
Their tones waxed loud,
Their looks were evil.
Lashing their tails
They trod and hustled her,
Elbowed and jostled her,
Clawed with their nails,
Barking, mewing, hissing, mocking,
Tore her gown and soiled her stocking,
Twitched her hair out by the roots,
Stamped upon her tender feet,
Held her hands and squeezed their fruits
Against her mouth to make her eat.

White and golden Lizzie stood,
Like a lily in a flood, -
Like a rock of blue-veined stone
Lashed by tides obstreperously, -
Like a beacon left alone
In a hoary roaring sea,
Sending up a golden fire, -
Like a fruit-crowned orange-tree
White with blossoms honey-sweet
Sore beset by wasp and bee, -
Like a royal virgin town
Topped with gilded dome and spire
Close beleaguered by a fleet
Mad to tug her standard down.

One may lead a horse to water,
Twenty cannot make him drink.
Though the goblins cuffed and caught her,
Coaxed and fought her,
Bullied and besought her,
Scratched her, pinched her black as ink,
Kicked and knocked her,
Mauled and mocked her,
Lizzie uttered not a word;
Would not open lip from lip
Lest they should cram a mouthful in:
But laughed in heart to feel the drip
Of juice that syruped all her face,
And lodged in dimples of her chin,
And streaked her neck which quaked like curd.
At last the evil people,
Worn out by her resistance,
Flung back her penny, kicked their fruit
Along whichever road they took,
Not leaving root or stone or shoot;
Some writhed into the ground,
Some dived into the brook
With ring and ripple,
Some scudded on the gale without a sound,
Some vanished in the distance.

In a smart, ache, tingle,
Lizzie went her way;
Knew not was it night or day;
Sprang up the bank, tore thro' the furze,
Threaded copse and dingle,
And heard her penny jingle
Bouncing in her purse, -
Its bounce was music to her ear.
She ran and ran
As if she feared some goblin man
Dogged her with gibe or curse
Or something worse:
But not one goblin skurried after,
Nor was she pricked by fear;
The kind heart made her windy-paced
That urged her home quite out of breath with haste
And inward laughter.

She cried, "Laura," up the garden.
"Did you miss me?
Come and kiss me.
Never mind my bruises,
Hug me, kiss me, suck my juices
Squeezed from goblin fruits for you,
Goblin pulp and goblin dew.
Eat me, drink me, love me;
Laura, make much of me;
For your sake I have braved the glen
And had to do with goblin merchant men."

Laura started from her chair,
Flung her arms up in the air,
Clutched her hair:
"Lizzie, Lizzie, have you tasted
For my sake the fruit forbidden?
Must your light like mine be hidden,
Your young life like mine be wasted,
Undone in mine undoing,
And ruined in my ruin,
Thirsty, cankered, goblin-ridden?" -
She clung about her sister,
Kissed and kissed and kissed her:
Tears once again
Refreshed her shrunken eyes,
Dropping like rain
After long sultry drouth;
Shaking with aguish fear, and pain,
She kissed and kissed her with a hungry mouth.

Her lips began to scorch,
That juice was wormwood to her tongue,
She loathed the feast:
Writhing as one possessed she leaped and sung,
Rent all her robe, and wrung
Her hands in lamentable haste,
And beat her breast.
Her locks streamed like the torch
Borne by a racer at full speed,
Or like the mane of horses in their flight,
Or like an eagle when she stems the light
Straight toward the sun,
Or like a caged thing freed,
Or like a flying flag when armies run.

Swift fire spread through her veins,
knocked at her heart
Met the fire smouldering there
And overbore its lesser flame;
She gorged on bitterness without a name:
Ah! fool, to choose such part
Of soul-consuming care!
Sense failed in the mortal strife:
Like the watch-tower of a town
Which an earthquake shatters down,
Like a lightning-stricken mast,
Like a wind-uprooted tree
Spun about,
Like a foam-topped waterspout
Cast down headlong in the sea,
She fell at last;
Pleasure past and anguish past,
Is it death or is it life?

Life out of death.
That night long Lizzie watched by her,
Counted her pulse's flagging stir,
Felt for her breath,
Held water to her lips, and cooled her face
With tears and fanning leaves:
But when the first birds chirped about their eaves,
And early reapers plodded to the place
Of golden sheaves,
And dew-wet grass
Bowed in the morning winds so brisk to pass,
And new buds with new day
Opened of cup-like lilies on the stream,
Laura awoke as from a dream,
Laughed in the innocent old way,
Hugged Lizzie but not twice or thrice;
Her gleaming locks showed not one thread of grey,
Her breath was sweet as May,
And light danced in her eyes.

Days, weeks, months, years
Afterwards, when both were wives
With children of their own;
Their mother-hearts beset with fears,
Their lives bound up in tender lives;
Laura would call the little ones
And tell them of her early prime,
Those pleasant days long gone
Of not-returning time:
Would talk about the haunted glen,
The wicked, quaint fruit-merchant men,
Their fruits like honey to the throat
But poison in the blood;
(Men sell not such in any town):
Would tell them how her sister stood
In deadly peril to do her good,
And win the fiery antidote:
Then joining hands to little hands
Would bid them cling together, -
"For there is no friend like a sister
In calm or stormy weather;
To cheer one on the tedious way,
To fetch one if one goes astray,
To lift one if one totters down,
To strengthen whilst one stands."

- Christina Rossetti (1830-1894)

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Thursday, 28 April 2022

The Willows

Algernon Blackwood  - The Willows
Originally published in 1907 as part of his collection,  'The Listener and Other Stories',  Algernon Blackwood's 'The Willows' has long established itself as a masterpiece of supernatural stories.  It tells of a canoe trip down the Danube and two nights spent on a sandy island amidst the oppressive presence of the willows where the two travellers are subjected to a number of inexplicable experiences.

Famously 'The Willows' was a favourite of H.P. Lovecraft writing in 'Supernatural Horror in Literature', "Here art and restraint in narrative reach their very highest development, and an impression of lasting poignancy is produced without a single strained passage or a single false note".  

This reading was originally aired on BBC7 between 29th of March and the 1st of April 2005 and is read rather wonderfully by Roger Allam who I'm sure many will recognise from his appearences in 'Endeavour', 'V for Vendetta', 'Game of Thrones' and 'The Thick Of It'.

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Sunday, 24 April 2022

Hawk the Slayer

Wyrd Britain reviews 'Hawk the Slayer'.
Co-written by novice director Terry Marcel and legendary Hammer composer Harry Robertson (The Oblong Box, The Vampire Lovers, Twins of Evil) and born out of their shared love for sword and sorcery novels, 'Hawk the Slayer' crams every Tolkien and Robert E. Howard trope it can afford - a witch, an elf, a dwarf, a suspiciously ungigantic giant, a magic sword and massed armies of several - into it's £600,000 budget (of which star Jack Palance was reportedly paid a sixth) to create a ridiculously fantastic travesty of a movie that personally I have a bit of a soft spot for.  

Wyrd Britain reviews 'Hawk the Slayer'.
The storyline is essentially a thinly disguised riff on The Magnificent Seven with the six shooters swapped for swords and bows and with the action relocated to a chilly, dry ice drenched park in Buckinghamshire.  Obviously made with an eye to the international market the producers cast two Americans in the leads, the aforementioned Palance and debutant action hero John Terry and they are both, well, they're both pretty terrible.  Of the latter it's perhaps kindest to say that he's ineffectual and wooden and way out of his depth but would mature into roles in 'The Living Daylights', 'Full Metal Jacket' and 'Lost' whilst the former gives a scenery chewing performance of epic awfulness.  Acting around them we have a troupe of reliable Brit supporting actors such as Carry on... staple Bernard Bresslaw (who would return to the fantasy genre again three years later in Krull), One Foot in the Grave's Annette Crosbie, Patricia Quinn (The Rocky Horror Picture Show), Harry Andrews (Theatre of Blood), Patrick Magee (The Skull) and Roy Kinnear (The Bed Sitting Room) all of whom do much of the heavy lifting and keeping admirably straight faces.

Wyrd Britain reviews 'Hawk the Slayer'.
Released at a time when fantasy movies of this sort were extremely thin on the ground and when interest in the fantastical was hitting fever pitch in the wake of Star Wars, Hawk was a box office bomb but one that quickly acquired a devoted fan following and whilst no sequels were ever made (until Garth Ennis' 2022 comic series) it has been credited with triggering the flurry of similar movies that followed in it's wake such as Dragonslayer, Excalibur, Conan the Barbarian, The Beastmaster and the aforementioned Krull to name just a few.

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If you enjoy what we do here on Wyrd Britain and would like to help us continue then we would very much welcome a donation towards keeping the blog going - paypal.me/wyrdbritain

Affiliate links are provided for your convenience and to help mitigate running costs.